Saturday, June 16, 2007

Papa and Me

I’ve always considered myself a papa’s girl. When I was younger, I lived behind the shadows of my father – literally. Wherever my papa goes, I go too. In elementary, I would often drop by his office after school. I love it a lot when he would bring me to their canteen where they served the best ensaimada in town. I would also tag along during his basketball practices and games. My papa is a basketball star in their company back then I am his number one fan.

Saturday and Sunday are the best days especially when my papa works over the weekend. I would always look forward to an afternoon with him inside his office playing with his typewriter (no computer during that time yet) or sketching using his endless supply of bondpapers and card board. My papa works as Human Resource Manager in one of the biggest paper industry in the country. He is a strong figure in the company and people would look up to him with utmost respect. He was also active in the church being one of the lay ministers and I admire him for that. I always feel proud having him around during our school’s family day, open house and other events. That time, I always say to myself that I would marry someone like him.

However growing up with papa isn’t at all an exciting experience. My father brought his being superior at work to our home. He is the quintessential figure depicted in a patriarchal society. Though the silent type, he is quite a fierce disciplinarian. When he’s quiet, I know I’m in big trouble. I’ve had my share of beating as a kid and teenager not that I’m rebellious but my father could be bad-tempered sometimes. One thing I hated about him is when he raises his voice at me in front of other people. I hated it so much. I also remember one incident when he threw a mono-block chair towards me because of a very petty thing. The pain in my heart is more than the physical pain I’ve felt. I asked myself, how somebody I idolize and love could hurt me. That was when our gap started.

When I became a teenager, guys my age would have difficulty approaching me because of papa. They are afraid of him. With just a single glare from him would bring shivers down their spine (I guess). Nobody messes up with me and my sisters even the notorious teenager lurking in our neighborhood. It was a blessing though.

When I went to college, our bonding and bickering became less to never. I was studying in the city and I get to go home only during sem-breaks, summer and Christmas. I admit, I miss his presence from time to time. Now that I’m married, I miss him even more. I get to talk to him only on the phone and not for long. Looking back, I realized that my father never really taught us anything. He just lives his life and shows us a rightful path. He doesn’t really show his love for us openly but I know deep in my heart that he loves us so much.

To Papa, I know I have been a bit of a frustration to you having married early and not becoming the journalist-lawyer you want me to be. I take every responsibility for all the decisions I’ve made in my life. I’m sorry but you know I tried to really live up to your expectations and make you feel proud of me in some other ways. I just want to say “thank you” for being my father, for being my hero and for just being YOU.


with papa and mama on life's important moments...dont' wanna miss a thing!!!

No comments: