Thursday, April 28, 2005

Pet Peeves

It’s been a while. There’s not much stories to tell…Been experiencing some melancholia, paranoia and little hysteria over trivial matters to some people but may mean a lot to me.

I’m caught up with my emotions. My heart seems to burst in anger. I don’t know why…maybe it’s because of fear of being alone or left out or being replaced by some sexy college flame who has the making of a talk show host - Oprah. I’ve been really affected by several events lately of indifferent husband who seem to care less and talks about cheating boyfriends. As they say, some good things never last long or maybe they’ll be gone for a little while and reappear after several ages. Whatever happen to…?

1. I love you’s
2. Sweet text messages
3. Flowers on Valentines Day
4. Surprise date at Tops
5. Ride to and from the office
6. Movie for two
7. Bear Hug
8. A little squeeze on the hand
9. A kiss
10. Dinner for two

Little things that mean so much in a relationship… or was it me who turned sour? Or I am damn unpretty to be given much attention to? Or there’s some other girls out there – drop dead gorgeous, fresh smelling, enchanting and vibrant girl in friendster or in the hospital? Perhaps I’m just insecure and I don’t feel good about myself. Oh, I hate this feeling! I don’t even have the guts to tell him straight what I’m feeling right now. I don’t know how he would react… haaayyy!!! He seemed out of reach lately…busy acquiring money…in exchange for supposed-to-be time spent with wife and daughter. How could he just brush us off his schedule? We never really fight --- the last time we fought was October of last year because of the same issue I am complaining right now. It reached the point where I packed up my things, brought Alex with me and left him for days.

The jokes they poke about “being married” and “married life” are indeed funny but TRUE.

I’m ashame… I shouldn’t be revealing this kind of stuff to the whole world, but you see I feel a lot better after writing all these stuff.

Chill out Mhalou!!!

DISCLAIMER: I sound like a totally pathetic fool in this post...and I probably am.I wrote this since Monday but was contemplating of posting it or not. But hell yes, I did...Naahhh! I would appreciate "no comments" this time. A piece of advice will do. You think I need pyschiatric treatment? I'll be okey... ;D

Thursday, April 21, 2005

All Apologies

“Mommy, embrace…nooooooohhh!” My daughter screamed at the top of her lungs on my way out of the house for work this morning. Even when I am almost out of her sight, I could still hear her cry. I feel I don’t deserve being called “mommy”… I was never there.

To Baby Alex…
alex bibo

I’m sorry if I doze off to sleep while we’re watching Barney together. I must’ve been tired from work.

I’m sorry if I don’t get to feed you on time because I am still sound asleep from the graveyard shift.

I’m sorry if I have a hard time figuring out what food you like to eat.

I’m sorry if I miss some of your new tricks, new songs learned, new words spoken and new dance steps.

I’m sorry if until now you still didn’t have your potty training and I get irritated when changing your nappy.

I’m sorry if I fail to let you take your daily dose of vitamins and your medicines when you’re sick.

I’m sorry if I don’t get to give you your bath often.

I’m sorry if I don’t get to fix your hair. You don’t want it fix anyway.

I’m sorry for the times that I miss your laughter and for the times that I neglect your tears.

I’m sorry if I don’t get to bring you to Timezone or Play House more often.

I’m sorry for the times that I fail to see you grow.

I want to let you know that I love you so much and I’ll make it up for those missed moments every weekend. That I can assure you! You be good to Mama Daisy ha and stop talking about your ex-yaya jin2. We’ll get your new yaya soon but mommy will be around always. Swear!



My mama's turning 57 today. I guess it’s her first time to celebrate it away from home and to celebrate it here in Cebu together with her two lovely daughters – Mhalou & Magee. I still can’t figure out how to celebrate her birthday today. I have a variety of choices – massage, dinner or shopping BUT I don’t have money right now. Huh!

I know, mama will understand. She has always been very understanding and a caring one too. Thanks for everything Ma! I know I will not be the same person I am now without you. I love you!

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Letting go and moving on...

What would you do when the person you want to spend your lifetime with wouldn’t want to spend it with you?

What would you do when the person who promised you the moon and the stars broke his promises?

What would you do when the person you love continue to love you but still afford to also love somebody else?

What would you do when the person you love the most is the same person who has brought you pain and suffering?

The answer to these questions my friend is MOVE ON without that person.

In a relationship, one of the hardest things to do is saying goodbye. It is hard as breaking a crystal because you don’t know if you can pick all the pieces again. Moving on after a relationship is easier said than done. It takes a leap of faith and a lot of strength to let go of a person who may have occupied a very special spot in your heart for quite sometime.

But then, what’s the point of holding on?

Holding on will only cause us more pain. Haven’t we left something of ourselves? More often, we prefer to hurt ourselves and cling on to a lost love hoping to ignite the fire back. But sometimes, love is not always what we expect it to be. Love has its own ways we can never understand – it’s mysterious. We just have to accept that love has long been gone beyond our control.

For a while, we will grieve for a lost love and cry ourselves to sleep. But we have to cry to let go of the pains in our hearts. It’s just temporary and I know there’s somebody out there who would give us more love and respect.

As Melanie Lim explicitly say, “If he can’t see you as a better woman, then maybe, there’s a better man out there for you”.

This post is dedicated to a dear friend. You know who you are…huh, pikat na lang nila mam!!!

My graveyard shift is almost over. I’m gonna miss some of the nocturnal office creatures for a week. God, I’m so tired and stressed with all the news on some of our Philadelphia colleagues recently fired from their jobs. I think I need a day in the spa this weekend to lift up my spirits. Need some sponsors please! Calling Earl Vincent… ;-)

Friday, April 15, 2005

The Wedding Dress

I’ve been subscribed to online Chicken soup for the soul. Its stories continue to inspire me and made me ponder on life sometimes. Today’s soup was a story of a lady named Nora E. Kessel. It’s entitled “Priceless”. It’s remembering the day she went shopping for a wedding gown with her mom and how they found that gown really meant for her. According to the author, the moment burrowed its way into her heart and her memory. She also relate in her story when years later she had a yard sale and there’s this mother looking for a prom dress for her daughter. She offered her wedding dress instead which was never part of the yard sale. She was so touched by the lovely lady (the daughter of the woman) now trying her own wedding gown.

I can very well relate to this story…not in the sense that I went shopping for my wedding gown with “mama”. It’s the other way around though coz she was never there during my wedding preparations. Earl and I were on our own preparing for a wedding we never had before (well of course!) - From planning the entourage to designing our wedding invitations to buying faux silver wedding rings. There were little help though from some friends and relatives but mostly on Earl’s side. My family was never supportive of my getting married early at an age of 23 and Earl at 24.Thus, we were left on our own…and that will remain forever since we made that vow before God and man.

wedding pics with friends and principal sponsors...

But I couldn’t blame my parents for caring less about my getting married. I truly understand them, though it would’ve been wonderful if they were involved. No regrets…it was still a wedding made in heaven.

My mama’s visiting me tomorrow with my younger sister whose taking the freshman entrance exam in USC. I’m looking forward to going shopping with her (not for another wedding dress huh!). When she visits Cebu, SM is always the store for her new purchases of house wares and kitchen utensils. My mama loves to cook and she cooks well that’s why there’s a bunch of kitchen stuff at home and it’s adding up. I’m planning to bring her to Carbon this Sunday for some ukay2 shopping spree. I’m pretty sure she’ll enjoy it the way I do. Like mother like daughter noh! Cheapskate…hehehe

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Love Moves in Mysterious Ways

“Love Moves in Mysterious Ways” by Julia Fordham has always been my ultimate favorite song. Whether you agree with me or not, it will always be the most beautifully written song of all time. I am greatly moved and touched by its lyrics and Julia’s voice added perfection to the song.

Just recently, I’ve heard Nina (younger sister of King) sang the song and it just pissed me off. I never really liked Nina ever since – the way she talks and dresses and everything. I find her “maarte”…my apologies to Nina’s fans! I know, I know – it’s just not fair to judge her. She has a good voice quality though and at least she gave justice to Julia’s song. She fairly did a good job...fairly!

So guys, give it up for JULIA FORDHAM…and Nina too!

"Who'd have thought this is how the pieces fit
You and I shouldn't even try making sense of it
I forgot how we ever came this far
I believe we had reasons but I don't know what they are
Don't blame it on my heart, oh

Love moves in mysterious ways
It's always so surprising
When love appears over the horizon
I'll love you for the rest of my days
But still it's a mystery
How you ever came to me
Which only proves
Love moves in mysterious ways

Heaven knows love is just a chance we take
We make plans but then love demands a leap of faith
So hold me close and never never let me go
'Cos even though we think we know which way the river flows
That's not the way love goes, no

(Repeat chorus)

Like the ticking of a clock two hearts beat as one
But I'll never understand the way it's done, oh

(Repeat chorus)

Love moves... in mysterious ways...."

Wait till you hear me sing the song of these days, I'll have the guts to sing it at Frontgate. Gosh, that's next to impossible...I love to sing but I was never gifted with such heavenly voice. My husband is or maybe he has the guts to sing infront of a crowd. I'm used to singing within the comforts of our bathroom but never infront of a lot of people. I have tried though but with a few bottles of beer hehehe.

Let's see... :D

Friday, April 08, 2005

Random Thoughts...

I didn't get much sleep last daughter was having this I-DON'T-KNOW-WHAT'S-WRONG-WITH-HER thing last night and she was crying like hell until 3am. She doesn't want her daddy to go to sleep...Earl's getting impatient and wanted to throw her out of the house. Maybe she just missed her yaya so much...she's been like this for several days now since we fired her yaya last week. I admit she was more close to her yaya than me...I hate being a working mom!

Some things never change...talked to an old friend the other day. I used to call her "Baki" and she used to call me "Balot" when we were kids...we still talk incessantly just like the old times. It's sad to know that her marriage didn't seems like she just got married last year and there she is now struggling to be a single mom. I'm trying to get her to replace one of my colleague who will resign at the end of the month...

TGIF na sad...but i'm quite sad, my husband's leaving for Cagayan de Oro tonight. It's kinda' lonesome spending the weekend without him. He's travelling to Cagayan every other week for some important meetings with his father. He's also processing our housing loan in Cagayan...talking about relocation. I don't know his plans yet...hhhmmm...I think Cagayan would be a nice place to live.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

More Bantayan pics...

booze on a black saturday...always a daddy's girl...
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Familia Cutie @ Bantayan
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On Cheating...

I decided to go back to my weekly after-office regimen-- TAEBO. It makes me sick seeing those sexy girls this summer. We still have one summer outing at the end of this month in Camiguin and I swear I'll wear that black bikini displayed at Rustans (whether my husband agrees or not). I wanted to have my high school figure back 24-30-25..I know that's next to impossible because I've tried almost all unthinkable ways of trimming down (pill, dieting to death, gym, extreme sports, extreme sex haha...) except lipo of course but still I'm this HUGE...I don't even want to know my vital stats now.

My friend picked me up in the office while my husband was waiting at the Sports Center. He's also doing his daily jog. While on our way, my friend showed me an email she retrieved from her boyfriend's email account. It was from the "girl" he was having an affair with. That bit**...they're still seeing and communicating w/ each other after all those broken promises from my friend's boyfriend. I can feel that my friend is hurting. She's been with the guy for 8 years going 9 but was interrupted with her boyfriend's cheating. I know the "girl"...she used to hang out with us also and I just hate it coz I know my friend don't even have the slightest idea that her boyfriend is hooking with this bit**. Anyway, I don't meddle with their problem though...I'll be more than happy to see my friend happy with some faithful guy.

The guy is my husband's friend (the same group that went to Bantayan). When I opened up the issue to my husband -- I got a sermon from him saying that I should not be involve with other people's lives. I just can't help but see, I'm a woman and I can feel the pain that my friend is having right now. Eight years is eight years...that's almost a lifetime for me. I know this may sound bias but my friend is a nice lady. She's very pretty and with a good reputation to brag about. That other girl has been noted for her being a "manizer" (opposite of womanizer hehe). Maybe there's just something about this bit**...maybe there's something that my friend doesn't have...

All I know, this guy just didn't realize that he has wealth under his nose (it's not bogger or sip-on ha!)...he may not realize it now but I know soon...he will have a dose of his own medicine and I know he'll regret what he has done to my friend.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

For Joey...As requested

My elementary classmate, Joey, asked me to post an entry on some information about Bantayan Island. Well, here it is...this is based on experience and some info from the internet.

How to get there?

From Cebu City: You can take a bus (from North Bus Terminal) going to Hagnaya. You can choose between aircon and non-aircon buses that are leaving Cebu City daily. It's about 2 hours travel with bus fare at around 60 - 75 pesos (basta not more than P100). Or you can take Seair from Mactan Airport. (i have no idea of the airfare)

From Hagnaya: You take a boat ride about an hour going to Sta. Fe, Bantayan Island (This is where the white sand beaches and resorts can be found). There's also a fast craft that would take only 30 minutes travel. Rates for both are between 75 - 130 pesos.

Around Sta. Fe: You can take a trisikad, tricycle or bicycle in roaming around Sta. Fe or better use your feet instead coz it's just a little town anyway. Rates for trisikad is P5 and P10 for tricycle. You can also rent a bicycle for P50/day.

Room Rates:

There are a variety of resorts in Sta. Fe which offer cheaper rates. Peak season is usually on holy week and they increase up to 20-30% of their usual rates. The following are the cheapest rates i know for offpeak season (May - October):

Budyong Beach Resort: 800 - 1400/per night
Kota Beach: 1000 - 1500/per night
St. Bernard Resort: 550 - 1200/per night
Sta. Fe Beach Clug: 1500 - 3000/per night
Marlins Beach Resort: 900 - 2000/per night
You can also put up a tent @ 300-400/per day

Whew, that was quite a task...hehehe(just kidding joe).

Hope you got everything you need to know about Bantayan. If you need some relaxation away from the city, Bantayan is the place...but i cannot assure you of some vitamins for the eyes (you know what i mean) coz cebuanos are kinda' conservative. You're lucky to spot some "white leg horns" in their skimpy bikini or going topless on your visit
to the place.

Ciao for now! And enjoy your Bantayan escapade...I just did!

Friday, April 01, 2005

My Little Princess

my little princess alessaundrei Posted by Hello

Hot Chicks!
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Let Me
By Michelle Mariotti

God, please do not let me miss those moments that I could have spent with my daughter. Let me carry her more often and feel her tiny body gently wrapped in my loving arms. For someday I will not have the strength to pick her up anymore.

Let me hold her close to smell her freshly washed hair and breathe in that wonderful baby scent that covers her delicate skin, for surely she will not smell this deliciously sweet for very long.

Let me enjoy changing her diapers for this gives me the chance to play with her miniature toes, tickle her tummy and make her feel comfortable. Someday she will ask me to leave and shut the door behind me claiming she can manage by herself.

Let me take more walks with her in her stroller while I can look down at her little face that is staring in wonder at this new world all around her. Let me do this often, for soon she will be able to walk on her own and leave the safety of her carriage.

Let me stand beside her crib at night for longer than a moment to watch her surrender to her peaceful slumber. These nights spent in a crib will be replaced soon enough by a much less cozy place for dreams.

Let me make her laugh every day. For I am sure the precious sounds of her first giggles are apt to change with time.

Let me delight in each and every milestone she reaches. Before I know it walking, drinking from a cup and other small miracles she has learned will seem ordinary.

Let me tell her how much I love her. Since there are bound to be times when she will not want to sit still to hear this.

Let me continue to listen attentively to her even after she has mastered the art of talking. Since people tend to listen less closely to a child once language becomes fluent.

Let me make time for peek-a-boo and pat-a-cake and other baby games. There will come a day when she will no longer want to participate in such childish antics.

Let me learn to enjoy the sound of her calling me "Mommy" even if it is yelled through the dripping of tears. For one day I will no longer be "Mommy" to her, but rather just "Mom."

Let me be the world to her right now because as every mother sadly comes to realize, their babies soon discover the world outside of their mother's arms.

Let me do these things and so much more, despite being busy, tired or overwhelmed because I would hate to look back and harbor regrets of times gone by that were lost to less important things than my daughter.

Yes, dear Lord, I want my daughter to grow up to be a strong, loving and intelligent woman, but please Lord do not let this happen overnight because someday memories will be all I have.