Call it pathetic but the past week has been too tough and too overwhelming both at home and in the office. Being yayaless for almost a month now has been really stressful physically and emotionally you don’t’ even wanna know the details. I’m not complaining or something but the stress has taken its toll on my body. I’m feeling an ache on my neck and back. Then I’m starting to become grumpy all the time and my daughter has been the receiving end of my grumpiness. My patience has been put to test and I always fail. I felt terrible after realizing that I raised my voice at my daughter. She has been super-sensitive and demanding lately. She won’t listen and cries easily which makes it even worst. I admit I’ve been mean to her and I’m guilty about it.
And then, there’s the tension in the office. Although, I’m not feeling it directly but there’s some kind of ambiguity in the air. We’re about to move to our new office but we were faced with some difficulties with our current landlord. We started to pack up our things and yet had difficulty bringing them out of the building. They cannot accept the fact that we’re moving to a new and better facility. Being part of the Admin team, I am in some way involved and have been privy to some confidential information. Because some information is limited to a few individuals, others cannot understand the actions and decisions made by top management. In the absence of exact information, employees tend to speculate and react in a negative way. Our team has been bombarded with a lot complaints left and right from our colleagues who don’t seem to know the real score. I wish I have the answers to their questions. All I know is that the management has a plan but whatever it is, I have no knowledge whatsoever. Our CEO is in town for an unscheduled trip along with our Admin director. He recently made an announcement via email that we're keeping both facilities - old and new. I don't know exactly what plans the management has in mind. My boss looked like a wrecked with all the tensions boiling inside her and I pity her. She has been trapped in all these mess and I’m afraid she would simply give-up and leaves this company.
These are times when I wish to settle as SAHM (Stay At Home Mom). The salary I'm earning cannot compensate the lost opportunity to serve my family. Sometimes work gets in the way first and I tend to neglect my role as a mother and wife. I feel so guilty to leave the house unclean, to see our closets in disarray, to serve my family unhealthy food, to leave my daughter with my in-laws, to let my husband pick me up at work an hour before midnight and to be the working mom that I am who is a big failure in balancing career and family. While it’s true that climbing up the corporate ladder is an invigorating experience for a go-getter like me, I still believe that nothing compares to the feeling of being loved and admired by your family. That I think is the most precious thing in this world that neither money nor career can ever replace.
Good thing, I'm back to blogging again.